Part 1
As far as I see it, generally, you're either an academic or not, a sales-person or not, a sporty / muscial / techno person, or not. Okay, there are possibly some grey areas, agreed. I probably place myself in the sales category ~ then realise I have contradicted myself immediately. I'm not an academic but have managed to secure [just about] a Masters Degree, I'm not sporty but have just skied Tortin, Verbier, one of the top ten scariest ski runs and I'm not a musician, yet have sung in three choirs [a wonderful feeling by the way].
So why, if I consider myself more of a 'sales' person, can I not face marketing myself / my product ... my novel. A friend once said it's fear. I presumed she meant fear of failiure ~ fair enough, I agreed. The process of retrieving your own self-addressed envelopes from the letter box and having a 'don't phone us, we'll phone you' hard copy in your hand is definitely more painful than opening up one rejection email amongst the battering of daily messages you promise to unsubscribe from]. In her opinion, my fear was a fear of success. Interesting?
Her reasoning, if I succeed, I will have to deliver the goods. I know that, I'm a sales-person, remember? But I know, I will have to deliver the whole product, me included. And there's another problem. I'm an energetic, focused, social person [so my CV says], who is clearly not as confident as I appear [that bit's not on my CV]. So, is this one of the reasons I haven't finished the novel ... because ... basically ... I'm shy ?
Part 2 continued tomorrow ... to be fair, it is 05: 20 What time ??
Gillian
Wow, some innermost thoughts here. Rather similar to a job application, you really are trying to 'market' yourself. I'm not sure that a fear of 'having to deliver the goods' reasoning is the whole story, part of it certainly. The other part of it has got to be a feeling of acceptance, of fitting-in, a concern of whether what you are doing/producing is really what others want. This is challenged whenever a letter of rejection is received. That letter of acceptance will arrive. Know it. A question of time and persistence, and if things don't seem to be working the way you want, adapt and improvise.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read Part 2 yet, but this part provoked a reaction in me...
Thanks John, of course your're right. I'm feeling more confident now I am applying myself more and focusing on one story rather than chipping away at lots of ideas.
ReplyDeleteI think I had to decide exactly what the novel was about in order to move on. I had too many ideas and was trying to cram them all into one.
Thanks for your support - encourages me everytime.
Gillian
Will post another fragment /chapter soon
ReplyDelete